Ok I really need to write this more consistently. I have been blessed to be doing a live sketch comedy show recently. It's so damn funny. All transcripts of things that were never meant to be public . Wire tappings, hot micas. overheard conversations. accidental reply all emails.. ALL just hilarious famous and non famous alike! I really believe in this show but getting people to know we are HERE is a whole other story. Lessons in self marketing! It comes on the heels of another serendipitous event. The process of creating a one woman show based on the career of Mama Cass! I have been tuning about this for a very long time but recently someone else brought it up to me as a project and MY GOD did it feel right. So away we go !!
I love the creating...I love the singing and the acting and I hope to make something beautiful!
Whew what a year so far.. it started with a secret commercial..filming on a ferry boat for 3 hours..Super fun.. it continued with an improv class that allowed me to perform at the Amazing and historic PURPLE ONION for 7 weeks and now this funny show Verbatim Verboten! So Blessed and so grateful!! And like the greedy child I am all I want is MORE!!
I have been looking at the performers who really inspire me and feeling so pulled to get back into theatre and even singing.. who know.. I thought that might be in the past. but here we are again! (I had a blood blister on my vocal chord from acid reflux year ago but that part of my range is sadly affected and difficult to sing thru.. any suggestions lovely singers out there?)
ANYHOO, inspiration.. such a drug. Like falling in love...I feel kindred spirits and am drawn to work with them ..like we are magnetically awakened to work together at this time. The Psychic in me LOVES this shit! The artist in me NEEDS this shit!
SO, anyone know the fastest way to Broadway?
I know (rolls eyes).... practice practice practice!!! ;-)
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Just My 2 Cents
Ahhh the taunts that never go away. Margaret Cho knows what I mean. http://jezebel.com/5875219/
This blog entry of hers made me cheer and realize how I naturally hid and made myself so small (ironic) for fear of jokes and mean words. I wasn't the fighter she is. And thank God, I never had to deal with the brutality she dealt with. My bullies were more subtle and even pretended to like me. Anyway I developed my sense of humor starting with beating them all to the punch.. took along time to stop that ..I still deal with that. It became so natural it was affecting auditions and every other part of my life. When the words were kind but shared the same hurtful sentiment, I accepted that that's how people, especially men, thought of women who looked like me. -Friend material for sure but with sad condescension, not lover material.
The people who throw words like blades... Well, you can see them coming. And no, it doesn't hurt less because you know these jerks are not few. They are the mainstream. So you learn to dodge them like a skittish cat and you become convinced that the whole world shares their small minded beliefs. Hell, the media tells you so...But they are the weak minded and fearful lot that get their jollies feeling big and strong putting others down. How insecure do you have to be to really want to keep a group of people down? (see Nazis, slave owners, homophobes etc etc) Sadly, the wounds that are eternal mostly come from the ones who mean well. They tell you you'd be so pretty if... or you have such a pretty face, what a shame...they show their prejudice then add that they love you and care and don't want to see you hurt. Such a mixed message.
Half the reason I put myself out there now as an actress and singer is to constantly do battle with my inner demons around my weight and feelings of ugliness. I don't remember a time I was ever happy with my looks. Even those 15 minutes in high school where I actually was thin. So clearly even when I was thin, I didn't "see" thin. Body dysmorphic thoughts are always waiting in the wings to take me down. But it's a fight worth winning. And I will win.
This blog entry of hers made me cheer and realize how I naturally hid and made myself so small (ironic) for fear of jokes and mean words. I wasn't the fighter she is. And thank God, I never had to deal with the brutality she dealt with. My bullies were more subtle and even pretended to like me. Anyway I developed my sense of humor starting with beating them all to the punch.. took along time to stop that ..I still deal with that. It became so natural it was affecting auditions and every other part of my life. When the words were kind but shared the same hurtful sentiment, I accepted that that's how people, especially men, thought of women who looked like me. -Friend material for sure but with sad condescension, not lover material.
The people who throw words like blades... Well, you can see them coming. And no, it doesn't hurt less because you know these jerks are not few. They are the mainstream. So you learn to dodge them like a skittish cat and you become convinced that the whole world shares their small minded beliefs. Hell, the media tells you so...But they are the weak minded and fearful lot that get their jollies feeling big and strong putting others down. How insecure do you have to be to really want to keep a group of people down? (see Nazis, slave owners, homophobes etc etc) Sadly, the wounds that are eternal mostly come from the ones who mean well. They tell you you'd be so pretty if... or you have such a pretty face, what a shame...they show their prejudice then add that they love you and care and don't want to see you hurt. Such a mixed message.
Half the reason I put myself out there now as an actress and singer is to constantly do battle with my inner demons around my weight and feelings of ugliness. I don't remember a time I was ever happy with my looks. Even those 15 minutes in high school where I actually was thin. So clearly even when I was thin, I didn't "see" thin. Body dysmorphic thoughts are always waiting in the wings to take me down. But it's a fight worth winning. And I will win.
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